My Struggle With Depression 10 Years Later [UPDATE]

Assalamualaikum wbt. Hello everyone!

I don't know if anyone remember me, or if anyone ever online or posts on Blogger anymore. But hi, I'm the girl with depression. And I'm back with my updates. This will includes everything..

So, somewhere around October in year 2014, I decided to share my story; about how I'm struggling with severe depression. To recap, at the age of 15 and 16 years old, I was diagnosed with severe depression and it stole everything from me.

My life
My future
My social skills
My friends
My happiness
Myself

Everything. I barely function as a human. I couldn't even study right, couldn't even sleep right, thinking right, acting right.
I was even afraid to pay at the cashier counter or enter a small mart without getting anxiety or without worrying what people that have no idea who I am might think of me.

That how bad the situation was. It's actually worse, but I've forgotten most of the part.

So, from year 2014 to 2024, 10 years later.. have I finally find my happiness? Have I successfully claiming my happiness or my life back?

Well, how do I say it..?

A lot has happened.

Do not expect the happy ending with fireworks or whatsoever though.


After year 2014, I was still dealing with my depression. It was bad, I still couldn't function right as a person. I didn't have friends, no social life, my boyfriend (who's now an ex) is so far away and I've never even met him in real life. But he was the only one I had back then. And he eventually cheated on me with a 30 years old woman who is actually a lot better than me. But I've heard that they've broken up and the lady married another man. LOL tiber gosip.

So, after 2014, I attempted to further my study in a course that I thought I liked, but it didn't last long and I dropped out.
My life during that time was bad still, I was still afraid of people, even people who's younger than me. And after I dropped out, I stayed at home, did nothing for the next 7 to 8 years.

Pretty bad right?

Well, depression isn't easy to tackle. In fact, it'll never go away. It's here to stay. I realized that when I was in my darkest moment.

So, I did nothing for the next 7-8 years I said? What years were those years that I have wasted?

2015
2015
2017
2018
2019
2020
2021
2022

2022 sounds pretty recently ain't it.
I was in my darkest moment during 2021-2022 as I was already age more than 25 years. At 25 years old I should have already secured a job and a car at least. But I was still a college drop out with no job. Not even friend.
Plus my relationship with my ex was gotten so bad, I knew he was cheating here and there for many years, but I had no one so I kept a blind eye so that I wouldn't be alone and had someone to actually make me feel validated.

But for some reason I've gotten tired of being treated so poorly. If you read MSWD (my previous story) I was actually never treated right.
Now, the only person that I had is treating me poorly too. So one morning I woke up feeling so fed-up and I try to find a reason to break up. With God's help, I found the woman's account. The woman he was cheating on with. Within just few second. I confronted him, told the woman, and left.

I cried for days. I lost weight that my bones were visible. And then I stayed at my mom's place to heal myself. I smoked tons f cigs. But one new thing about me, I hate feeling sad or sorry for myself or what has happened to me. So I chinned up, and pushed myself.


After the break up, first thing I did was applying for college. Because education was and is still my priority. Second thing I did was making friends. So I had few friends I've talked to online, and I asked this one guy who I ghosted for years for a meet-up.

College application approved.
I met the friend.

I aced in my study. First 3 semesters I've got 3.9 cgpa. The highest is 3.96.
The friend? Oh we're planning to get married soon. He's my boyfriend now. We fell in love on our first met.
Remember how afraid I was to pay at the cashier counter? I stare straight in their eyes now.
I face my anxiety. I even speak in front of many people giving speech. I'm a leader of so many programs. Some lecturer even had to do something to slow me down or stop me.
I went on a competition representing my college for Ikon Siarawan. Didn't win, but hey it's an achievement still. I drive now. I used to have road anxiety. But I'm driving now. Got into a pretty bad accident, but I'm still driving and face my trauma instead of crying about it.
I won Anugerah Pelajar Contoh & Anugerah Pelajar Terbaik.
I fought back and stand for myself when someone did me dirty.
I'm independent now.
I'm a lot stronger now.
I'm braver now.

I'm 29 years old now, soon to be 30. I've still got a long way to go.
I still have lots of years to spend on my study. I hope everything will go well.
I'm becoming someone's wife soon.
So, that's the update to My Struggle With Depression. It's actually more exciting but I want to explain things in the simplest way ever.
I hope I don't have to write on this page again.
I hope I'll be happy for a long time.


Ciao, loves.
Signing out,
Ying.